Last night, i spent the night out with a couple of friends, hang out at Laundry, The Curve while waiting for the movie to start at 2.15 a.m.
Tanx friends for being considerate and come to rescue when i’m down. i called my mum to tell her that i was going to Damansara and hang out with my friends for the entire night. As always, she said okay and asked me to take good care of myself. (ibu,,tanx for understanding and believing in your daughter more than she herself does!)
Venue : Laundry, The Curve & Cineleisure Damansara.
This is officially the first time after the poignant incident that i ever go out and hang out for the entire night. I was always a nocturnal person and still am.
Night is the time when i’m most productive and inspired. Unfortunate enough, after some ill-fated events that took place in my life, i lost my identity and struggling to define myself. Consequently, i stop myself from going out even when persuasively asked by some of my friends who know how much i’m suffering from the incident. i’m down, especially when i’m trying to deny myself and try to fix who i really am. but i guess it’s worth the try and now i know that i can never be someone else!
some might ask why would i do that? forbidding myself from being the girl who i really am and purposely make my life miserable for that. well fellas, i have some past experiences that told me : ‘no one can ever keep up with me, my life, my friends, my dreams, and basically, MYSELF!”
i lost lots of entities in my life for what i am. they don’t know me but still accuse and blame me,, and eventually get away from me. when i say i hang out with friends at night and have fun, they would assume me being in the club drinking and partying. *sigh* heyy,,i can always just have my supper and laugh my lungs out!
Last two nights, (the night i posted the post ‘sayang, putri misses you’ ) i cry my heart out and crashed again. Frustrating indeed, after 3 months of struggling, i still can’t get over it. i’m still haunted by the fear, and the memories. i’m still reaching out for the answer. i’m still baffled! *double sigh*
Talking bout the movie, 27 Dresses makes me wonder.. what i need the most in my life,, in terms of love and belonging. do i want to be loved and belonged to anyone in particular? do i need a wedding or a marriage? the answer is, yes, perhaps i need it all. but now that i realize one thing; i need the happiness more than the declaration of love. i need to feel the love more than to define the love itself..
i want to be exactly like this: 
still you & me not you @ me
still you & me not you, me, & her
still you & me not you @ him
still you & me not me, myself, & i……
undErmYcr0wn 
