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Monthly Archives: October 2009

ibu,,

‘Ain berusaha keras utk masa depan..

byk kali terlintas dlm hati..

berbaloi kah??

harta, pelajaran, kebahagiaan, dan sgala yg di kejarkan..

kalau akhirnya ‘Ain mungkin akhiri hidup sdetik kemudian?

tapi jika ‘Ain yg pergi dulu,,’Ain tahu apa yg ‘Ain mahukan utk ibu..

perasaan ini mungkin dosa terbesar ‘Ain..

mungkin x ckup keimanan menolak sgala kbencian..

tp ‘Ain ttp percaya skuatnya,,Dia x abaikn kita..

maka ‘Ain cuba bahagiaan kan si tua.

…….’Ain da terima sgala surat penyerahan harta ibu……

i knew it must be hard to finally see that ur last bit of trace in this world was about to be erased and to finally declare that you are not here..

there’ll be no more Aminah Ya’cob in any documentation..

there won’t be “ohh,,that’s my mum’s”

all the books you wrote,,the books that u didn’t finish,,it’s gone,,from priceless to useless..

i’m just wondering,,will i be able to finish writing before i leave??

or will i be forgotten just like urs??

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ohh,,u called.. what was it about things going on back there??

disastrous. ohh,,really sorry to here that,,i really am..

ur own mother has been torturing u for what u have done to me??

that was unnecessary,,my apology.

i feel bad that u have to go through that but i guess she said nothing wrong.

n now u call me,,asking me to tell people that i’m not in any way hurt at all.

that i’m okay with everything.

ayah,,u might as well need to consider thinking before u talk.

i don’t scream at your face doesn’t make what i feel go away.

it doesn’t mean that life is easier.

it doesn’t make what ever u did and still doing okay to me..

no,,not at all ayah..

but yes,,i’m really sorry that u have to get through that.

that u have to face that humiliation.

that was so uncalled for,,n i wish it did not happen to you.

this last bit of thought i have for you,,i don’t even know what is it called.

it may be love,,or perhaps responsibility to be born your offspring.

i’m hoping for better life,,i hope u allow me t0o.

cuz i’m praying the same for you.

my tears told you everything ayah,,u should have known..

i was trying hard to make things easier for you.

to let u go on with your life even if it hurts me.

i say none to others and act plain in front of you.

god knows how tormenting it is to live near you and still be invisible to you.

but still,,i serve as your daughter,,my obligation,,my gift,,to u.

i must say,,u now notice me physically.

but i remain invisible to you emotionally.

ayah,,life was hard with you in the picture,,but i guess i can never erase u..

that’s not what i should do neither do i want it to..

it’s really scary that i feel love from them..

it’s pathetic when i’m afraid to lose that..

when theirs are not mine,,or whatsoever..

i just wish that every bit of this life would make our journey more or less together.

because u were in the plan even though u were not in the ride.

i’m running out of will to tell you this,,i’m running out if wit to clean up the mess..

so now,,i’m begging u…

to spell if you really cannot read,,to crawl if you really can’t walk..

this heart i have beats from yours..

but i wonder why mine doesn’t beat as fast..

And you know what??
If you really care..
If you really do care, you would see how hurtful I was when you walked away to marry her..

You won’t have that heart to go on leaving me crying,,alone.

You would not be this selfish and at least give me some time to get know to you..

you should at least give US that chance.
How I wish having me is enough for you!

I am glad that I keep on living.

i really do!

My life was tormented by its own definition but i keep on crawling when walking gets affected by gravity a little t0o much..

Well, home meant taking care of my sick mother. Now, I’m stranded!

God knows how disappointing that is to a strayed daughter.
Ultimately, my parents’ life is where I draw the line in my life, I determine what I want and I don’t in life based on them.

People die!

So does everything else except HIM but I believe that life is more than just breathe!