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Category Archives: .:princess ‘iN distress:.

And you know what??
If you really care..
If you really do care, you would see how hurtful I was when you walked away to marry her..

You won’t have that heart to go on leaving me crying,,alone.

You would not be this selfish and at least give me some time to get know to you..

you should at least give US that chance.
How I wish having me is enough for you!

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i’ve been away…

not knowing what life cud bring,,i continue breathing..

walking in the dark till i see him..

the one who saves me n shows me the path i never knew existed..

i tot i cud live pretending that i did not care..

that ikram was all i needed and what u did wud not affect me no more..

now that i have him who does nothing but making me happy..

well,,i was wrong,,and wrong again..

cuz,,i hv a heart that can bleed..

but if things have to be this way,,i surrender..

ayah,,

i never had u n i think i can live knowing that i never will..

but i will always love u,,n think that u love me t0o..

those memories of you,,are always tormenting..

those things that u do,,are always hurting..

now that u see how important i am to be seen..

it’s a little t0o late,,n perhaps it a little too temporary..

those scars u give,,still hurt..

no matter how hard i try,,i still feel the pain..

21 years growing up wanting u to want me are too exhausting..

i’ve learnt how to stop seeing u not looking at me..

i’ve come up with many excuses to suffer in silent..

i’ve found the way to wake up n smile again..

i’ve reached to the point where my heart numbs even though it still bleeds..

so please,,give me this chance to at least take care of my own heart..

when u r not capable of seeing any..

so please,,don’t deny my right to be hurt..

when all u do is hurting me..

and please,,if you cannot see me..

don’t play with my heart n pretend like u care..

cuz i can see,,how this will turn ugly,,again..

it’s just too predictable and i am tired of hoping..

p/s: ayah,,i won’t stop loving u n hope u’ll be happy with her n ur new children cuz now only i realize that a father needs to see his daughter before he can be happy with her presence.

how i wish having me is enough for you

stakat beralih dari yang tetap,

tidak berniat terus meratap,

hasil ciptaNya kini di rentap,

berbekas di hati insan yang bengap.

bukan maksud untuk biadap,

sekadar mencoba berhenti berharap,

letih menanti yang lebih beradab,

akhirnye pandangan kabur berasap.

walau sakitnya tidak sekerap,

tetap cenderung duduk terperap,

mengelak dari jatuh tertiarap,

membawa diri mengibar sayap.

al-fatihah buat arwah bonda tercinta, Aminah Binti Ya’cob yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada 28  November 2008 pada jam 4.05 minit pagi. semoga roh arwah tenang dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. aminnnnn…

ya-Allah,

ampuni lah segala dosa ku dan dosa kedua orang tua ku ya-Allah, sesungguhnya  hanya Engkau yang mengetahui yang terbaik buat hamba-hambamu. ampuni kehilafanku dan terima kasih di atas hidayah Mu ya-Allah. kuatkan lah iman ku dan berikanlah ku petunjuk. kau hidup dan matikanlah aku dan kedua ibu bapa ku di dalam iman, aminnnnnnnn…

ibu,

masih banyak yang ‘Ain nak beritahu ibu dan masih banyak yang ‘Ain impikan untuk ibu. impian membina mahligai impian ibu masih terpahat di ingatan ‘Ain. banyak yang tak mampu ‘Ain jalani tanpa ibu. ampun kan ‘Ain jika ‘Ain bukan anak yang baik, namun ketahuilah ibu, ‘Ain redha kan segala yang di tentukanNya. segala yang baik datang daripadanya dan semoga iman ‘Ain dan ayah di kuatkan dan kami dapat meneruskan hidup dengan lebih di redhai Nya.

teman-teman,

maaf kan ‘iN kalau selama ini ‘iN bukan rakan yang terbaik buat kalian. terlampau banyak kelemahan yang tak mampu ‘iN tarik balik. ‘iN telah kehilangan nyawa ‘iN dan seperti yang semua tahu, ibu ‘iN adalah segalanya buat ‘iN. setelah pemergian ibu,’iN rase bertanggungjawab untuk menjadi muslimah yang di redhai Allah, agar ‘iN dapat memudahkan prjalanan ibu bapa ‘iN ke syurga. oleh itu, ‘iN mohon rakan-rakan yang sudi untuk membimbing ‘iN ke arah yang di redhai Allah, bantu lah ‘iN keluar dari kehilafan ‘iN sendiri, terima kasih rakan-rakan..

note:

  • ‘iN masih cuba bertabah tapi ‘iN tahu, ‘iN akan bersatu dengan ibu dan ayah di akhirat nanti,dan semoga kami dapat bersama-sama bahgia di surga, aminnnnnnnnnn…
  • maaf jika ‘iN masi x mampu nak balas msg rakan2, ketahuilah betapa sukarnya keadaan ini buat ‘iN dan harap anda dapat trus doakan kami
  • al-fatihah…

gather them all

my dear!!

gather them all

every big and small

gather them all

inside this hall

quick,,

gather them all

they will kill us all

my dear,,

they will kill us all

come to us they shall

they will kill us all

every short and tall

they will kill us all

scream while you can

grab what you find

think what you want

die if you don’t mind

stay away when i get mad

or else you know what you’ll get

don’t get under my skin

or else you’ll pay for your every sin

i was there when you fell

i was there when you coudn’t spell

so i will definitely be there to ring the bell

when you rot in hell!

-hellafrenzy (2008)

aku berlari dari kenyataan

dan semua yang berkaitan

lantas ku topengkan senyuman

kerna disebalik hilai tawa

terkulai ku lemah

tertusuk lantangnya kenyataan

demi kasih yang terbaki

demi masa yang tersuntuk

demi ruang yang menyempit

menggali aku mencari

harta sepeluk

bahgia segenggam

sebolehnya ingin kubuktikan

beratnya cobaan takkan melemahkan

namun jika aku benar insan

takkan terus mata tertahan

takkan terlindung raut jiwa tertekan

kerna musykilnya hati

bukan kerna kejamnya dugaan

tapi tersepitnya rintihan

-hellafrenzy (2008)

note:

  • br dpt tawu ibu kne tebuk kt leher smalam,ari ni… (sampai ati rahsiakan dr ‘Ain)

Dear ****,,

I’m really sorry that this has happened to us. As much as I’m regretting my flaws, there’s nothing I could and can say but sorry. Unfortunately, sorry is not enough to portray of how much I wish this never happened. Things are getting out of hands, I wish our friendship is not this fragile and I know it’s not. But I really don’t know what else to do. If you are listening, please answer me because my voice has become a sarcastic echo and it’s killing my judgment.

As much as I want to let u to decide on our relationship, to forgive me or to shove me away, but I really can’t bear the fact that I’m loosing such a wonderful friend like you. The more I know you, the more u make me feel like I can go on and live my not so wonderful life with no expectation. You make me see that life doesn’t necessarily have to be wonderful but we can still be happy .Your simple hye makes me feel appreciated and I know that u never expect anything from me. You are totally different from whom I am, but u made me feel comfortable and it takes seconds to be closed to you (emotionally).

I’m extremely sorry for being irresponsible. But just so u know, it happened unintentionally. And by saying this, I don’t mean to get away from my mistake. I take responsibility of my actions, so I understand that u deserve to be mad at me. I would never want to stop being your friend,never! I definitely don’t want this to end but if it all has to end, I wish it would have ended the other way around.

I really wish that I could talk to u, but I know, that would be t0o much to ask.

So I’m writing u this, just to make u understand of how much u mean to me.

This might be a stupid letter for you, but I really want u to know that our situation has been eating me out, and I really miss you,badly..

to be continued! 

qh.gif

What would you do if this is the last time you see a star?

Just what would you do if this is the last time you see a rainbow?

Are you gonna stay and cry helplessly?

Or are you gonna preserve and smile in front of mummy?

 

 

Who would you turn to if you ever get lost?

And just to whom would you give your last attributes and flaws?

Will you let them go when you know it’s for good?

Or would you confess your little secret in mute?

 

 

With what reason would you lie to hide those tears?

What kind of apology would you ask to make it turn around?

So where would you keep all those cloudy memories?

When everything in front is merely invisible debris?

 

 

 

 

When time drags you down to your darkest moment,

Would you run?

Or would you freeze?

 

 

 

 

When the first thing you get is the last thing you want,

The last thing you need is the first thing you hunt,

Perhaps, these littlest things mean nothing to you,

Just as much as the tiny hole in a canoe,

 

 

 

 

Neglected till regret!

 

 

hellafrenzy, 2008

qti.jpg

I have always trying to make sure that i see myself doing what i love in 5 years from now…

The future is totally unpredictable,,but i love the feelings in which i have a total control of my life,,thus i do what ever it takes to make my list of plan to come to life.

I have been constantly sending my resumes to lots of production houses and keep my head up for any open casting.

I’ve gone to several castings and auditions for the past 3 years and get rejected each time.

*well,,no surprise actually*

But i believe that every time i go for a casting, i gain experience and it helps me to analyze my weaknesses.

At least, now i know a little bit about this and that as well as what to expect in this business.

Things are and will always be harsh on us, especially when we are no one famous or related to any important people,,adding up to the disappointment, i have little experience and i am not that good either. *haih*

Indeed, i’m disappointed but i’ll never gonna let the lights go out,,i’ll preserve and keep the candle burning.

In the end, i’ll come out and say,,i’ve made it!!!! or at least proudly say,,,i’ve been there and i am glad i never quit!!!

It’s either i make it to the top or i get something beyond ,,it really depends on how we perceive things in life,actually,,but there will be no room for failure!!!

Bahsya!!!! (#^0^)/