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I am glad that I keep on living.

i really do!

My life was tormented by its own definition but i keep on crawling when walking gets affected by gravity a little t0o much..

Well, home meant taking care of my sick mother. Now, I’m stranded!

God knows how disappointing that is to a strayed daughter.
Ultimately, my parents’ life is where I draw the line in my life, I determine what I want and I don’t in life based on them.

People die!

So does everything else except HIM but I believe that life is more than just breathe!

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balik skjap ke johor after 2 months..
hati rse berat tp tanggungjawab sbg seorang insan,,buat ati rse mmg ptot berbaik2 dgn sme org..
“jgn biar kte yg nmpk jahat sdang kn org lain yg lukakan kte”,,ibu slalu pesan tu..
so smpai jek kg,,tros btgor sape smua sdare mare terdekat dan drive ke mlake utk jmpe mak cik yg lain,,skdar termampu..
mntk maaf sbb x blk d kala cuti sem ari tu,,n basically telling them that i’m doing fine,,x kre la if they care or not..
i tot it was necessary and the right thing to do..
try to have fun with my cousins n met acit,,the one who knew t0o much..
*gonna post that part on blogspot..

pg td was the “day”!
bngon dgn ati yg sgt sayu..
mlm td x mimpi ibu after 6 straight days mimpi either ibu plok or genggam tgn (sbb da 6 ari x bley tdo,,klo tertdo pon mst mimpi ibu n mte pnoh berair..)
last mimpi,,rse mcm tnga lari laju2 tngglkn ayah dan ade sorng pompuan,,ble tgk dpan,,ibu tnga lari sme2 dn genggam tgn ‘Ain kuat2..
*i guess i miss her..

smpai d tmpt pengambil alihan kuasa harta pusaka
(still can’t get the term right)
x dpt tahan perasaan lalu luahkn sket kt ayah,,just to make it known..
this is never easy for me,,even though x nmpk mcm susa pon..
dtg angkat sumpah n beri kterangn jekk,,pe susa.. >.<"

"lpas dpt harta ni bley la kawin ,,kn muda lagi..",,kata tuan yg uruskn tuh kt ayah smbil snyum2.. (gosh,,was that necessary??)
maka dgn sgera jwb sbb xmo die ckp pnjng2 psal tu ngn ayah,,"ohh,,da siap plan da sme tu,,jgn risau",,smbil snyum..

God,,please don't tell me that i'm not normal..
knape rse sdey??
tbayang wajah ibu,,prit gle..
teringat ibu tnye "klo ibu mati,,ayah akn kawen tros ke?? 'Ain rse ayah akn lpe kan ibu mcm tu je??"
"ehh,,x la ibu.. ayah sayang ibu..",,tu jek yg tkluar kt mulot smbil tgk ibu tlantar kt katil,,kelat..

ayah tbe2 ckp psal plan nk kawen bln 12 tu lagi..
x dpt tahan dri..
ayah siap mention psal tnda2 ibu nk tgglkn kami dlu..
"ayah sayang Min??" pastu tros cte psal die sdey tgk acik Dawam yg kawen right after istri dia mninggal..

br taw,,rupenye ibu btol2 dpt rse kn hakikat tuh..

nanges2 lalu btaw ayah,,btape 'Ain cbe nk knal ayah lpas ibu mninggal,,rupe2 nye,,ayah nk knal org lain plak..
for once,,btaw ayah yg ati 'Ain da beku dan harap ayah x kcik ati,,'Ain btol2 x mampu nk cbe..
sgt sakit,,walaupon ayah lupe,,tp 'Ain membesar jd shadow jek antara ayah dn ibu..

i still love u,,but i think it's best to let it this way..

btol2 da smpai limit,,btol2 da smpai,,btol2..

nk grak blk,,salam,,cium,,dan plok ayah..
still try to get at least that from him..
tbe2 ayah bisik,,''Ain jgn igt ayah x sayang 'Ain sbb tu ayah kawen lain"
– terdiam,,sbb mmg x pna rse ayah x sayang 'Ain,,cme mungkin x brape ptg..
as he whispers that,,pndangn rse korsong,,fikiran rse terawang2..
'Ain mintak maaf ayah,,'Ain da cube..

'Ain btol2 da cube…..utk pcaye smua tu.